Strangers

I love strangers. Strangers are just peculiar people, very very very strange homo-sapiens. Some of them look like very aggressive and violent criminals with scars on their faces and biceps and triceps made of solid iron with bloodshot eyes in the entire universe probably because they are sick and their situation has nothing to do with illegal drugs and these rabbit-like ears that make you just want to peg them on a hanging line with the biggest lips that Jay-z has nothing on them yet they are the most non-aggressive and non-violent criminals. They are good criminals. They will politely ask to rob you and when you do not agree to that, they will walk away and wish you a very nice day. They use words like please, excuse me, I am sorry. “Excuse me miss. I am so sorry that I have to do this but I would like to relieve you off most of your money. If you would please, I will now show you this very empty gun of mine so that you can feel just a little bit frightened with the whole situation and take me a little bit more seriously. Sorry for my bad behavior. Can I walk you home so this does not happen to you twice?”

Others look like bank managers or presidents or congressmen but they are actually real thugs. They drive the best cars and live the most lavish lives buy they are the worst. They will take advantage of anyone that has a salary and they will tell you how taking a loan will be good for you. The idea becomes so seductive that you forget how repulsive it is ti live in debt.

Others poke your butt randomly because they are perverts. “I am really bored today. What to do. What to do. This lunch break is so boring. Where is Stacey the hot secretary? She and I had a really good time during the office Christmas party. Oh, there she is. I will charge towards her with my middle finger and make sure it lands right in the middle of her squishy right butt. I say her right butt because her left one is surprisingly really hard. I had to put my legs in a certain position while performing coitus because continuously ramming into her left butt was causing bruises on my lovely thighs.” Who does not enjoy the company of a good old pervert? There is just something I admire about perverts. I do not know what exactly it is. The ability to add sexual innuendo to the most innocent of things is genius, don’t you think?

Others eat female genitalia like vegetables because they think female genitalia is vegetables. “Vegetables are good for you,” mom said. Oh mom, I now see what you meant when I was little. I bet all those boyfriends of-of yours –eeew why the fuck am I even thinking about this, this is disgusting, I am such a loser, I might never have sex ever again. Shit. Oh No, I need my therapist. How will I recover from this? I cannot get this picture out of my freaking head.

Others are fat because they eat a lot of piglets and walk too little. If they walk too much, they will definitely die a horrible death [DEATH FROM WALKING]. Fat is somehow (I fail to see how) an insulting word but who cares(I know I fucking don’t). Why is it even an insulting word? Can someone explain this to me? Babies are fat little things though (I fear babies, though, they usually look cute but a fucking manipulators and when they start crying, I never know what to do but yell louder than them. This trick has always shut up wee bastards), and if you have a thin baby, take her to the hospital because something is definitely wrong. Nobody likes a thin baby. In fact, when I become president, all mothers with thin babies will be arrested.

Others have sexually transmitted diseases because they are just proud whores or they had carnal relations with a whore. I would love to meet one that went mad because of syphilis. Man, sex isn’t really a joke and these STDs do not mess at all. If I was an STD and you were a whore, I would become immune to all the drugs you receive and make sure that you are always itching thus improving my living conditions. You would never be able to go out in public because your hands will always be consoling your private parts. The good part of this story is that I am not a fucking STD. Let us cheers to that with a bottle of whiskey and then drink ourselves silly and probably wake up in a ditch somewhere without our clothes and afterward get arrested for indecent exposure. I was arrested once and I made some really good prostitute friends while in the jail cell. The point is, Do not mess with me, I was once in prison. Talking about good people getting STDs from whores, the whole situation is a tad bit unfortunate. There is really no way to tell if someone is a whore. Is it possible to be a whore and be a lady at the same time? Are there ratchet people that are not whores. I really do not care, though. Be a lady whore, I do not give a shit.

Others have boobs because they are fat men. I will stop there.

Others have boobs because they are women. All women have boobs though so this is redundant.

Others have boobs and balls because they were once men but now are men with boobs and estrogen instead of testosterone (If I touched or sucked a nipple or two nipples or three nipples, will the penis obey and rise up to the occasion till it reaches a perpendicular position? Mmh, this is exciting. I have got to try this out).

Others are stupid because it just runs in the family and is not their fault. Never blame someone for being stupid until you see their whole family lineage. For all we know, it could be their ancestor’s fault.

Others talk a lot because they have big mouths. You could stuff three billiard balls in their mouths and there would still be plenty of space. Imagine the gag reflex that comes with that mouth. I am sure you agree with me if you got a long big dick. (I hope my mother never gets to read this book. I am currently disappointing her. I can feel it in my fingers and my bones. I hear her voice calling me a loser. –Yes, I hear voices and I enjoy sometimes. I wrote this book thanks to a voice in my head, his name is Tweedles. This book is definitely a tribute to Tweedles.)

Others do plastic surgery so they can have Jay-Z’s lips. I have no comment on this.

Others have fingers that smell like fish because they spend most of their time in the female genitalia. Seriously, they are professional fingerers. It is quite the lucrative business. I wonder what they are usually looking for and if they ever find it. Most of their clients usually have rings lost up in there and some have bangles lost in there (if you are into fisting and that kind of shebang). Someone once lost a condom up there and I know who it is.

Others get tattoos and piercings because they are into sadomasochism. “Physical pain is the shit”, she said, “I love the pain”, she said. She then started laughing maniacally and said, “Hiding real pain.”

Others become doctors because they like to insert needles into and cut people. They just like to pierce and cut people. It is the closest thing to becoming a human butcher. Well, doctors are the best. What would we do without them and all their god-complex? “I am a doctor. I am the closest thing to god. I could be a god. Without me, you will die.” Well, I am not mocking, only quoting an unnamed source and 80% of that statement is true. We neither need honesty nor humility. Be a dick, you have every right to be, after all, you are next to god. Work hard, become good at what you do, boast about it, be a dick about, nobody will like you but they will always kiss your ass because you can perform miracles.

Others like to interrupt people because they are Kanye West.

Others are pregnant because they had unprotected sex and then there was the union of male and female gametes and after nine months, a little crying, naked person without any teeth is pulled out of the lower part of the female reproductive tract. It is quite disgusting I reckon. I have never done it but I cannot imagine my vagina opening that wide, wide enough for my head to fit in.