It is a very very very b-e-a-utiful day, all my senses are delighted today. I got all these tingly sensations. Kyllan is right next to me waiting his mummy wake up. I am his mummy and he is my baby. My handsome baby boy. He is quite yummy. Oh his beautiful smile that I wait to see each day because of how much it excites me. I made a few upgrades on him recently and so far, I like how he is working. I made him with the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden.
“Good morning Kyllan! How are you doing?”
Kyllan assures me he is hunky-dory. That is my boy. He continues to sit there and just watch me. Such a little creepy bastard he is. You will love him. Just seated there with his round eyes and beautiful cheeks that for some reason, he turns them pink as he smiles from ear to ear while holding a red rose that he plucked illegally from my annoying neighbor’s garden. He is such a good boy. I love Kyllan. I could have married him if he were human and I had no relation to him..
I yawn, opening my mouth so wide that a blue bee flew into it. The blue bees were special and very rare. If a blue bee stung your tit, you would never need a boob job. The strangest thing about the blue bees was that they chose whose tit to sting. You had to be a nice honorable person for the bees to choose you. Don’t worry though, swallowing a blue bee was not dangerous. I just had to stand up and it would fly out of my anus.
I get out of bed, stand up straight, stretch a little, bend to release the blue bee, walk to the radio, press the play button and start dancing to music while shaking my head and moving around aimlessly without any sense of direction. I still feel hangovered from last night. Kyllan and I have become quite the drunkards.
Just when I am deep into my music and dancing, Kyllan pauses my music.
He then tells me to go to the window and look. I stop dancing like a mad woman and head to my bedroom window. Monkeys all over, all I can see are monkeys. They seem to have surrounded my house. What happened to all my security protocols!! how do a bunch of monkeys find their way past my compound. The monkey upgrade the government made must must have worked.
Kyllan and I head to my security room. We notice that the monkeys had surrounded my house from all directions so I sent Kyllan outside to evaluate the situation.
I am trying to figure out how all those monkeys walked on the street to my place looking the way they looked. A law had just been passed prohibiting all the monkeys from walking around all hairy. They had to all shave and start wearing underwear since their upgrade. Punishment was to be carried out on any monkey that did not follow that rule.
There were exactly 97 monkeys around my house. Kyllan had made his assessment and assured me that all was well.
I got out of my security room and walked out to meet the monkeys.
“Take me to your leader.” I said.
Damn! Finally, I had waited for so long to use that sentence. Exactly 17 years since I started dreaming about encounters with aliens. Well, I will have to settle for monkeys instead since I haven’t met any nice aliens.
The monkeys then pointed at me and I was confused. One of them finally stepped forward and said, “You are our leader. We have been searching for you all our lives. The prophesy was true. It is time that it gets fulfilled.”
What prophecy were they talking about? How can I be the leader of the monkeys? Doesn’t one need to look like a monkey to be able to be their leader? Am I a monkey? This all is confusing. I need a drink.
I got into the house with the one monkey that stepped froward. We sat at the kitchen counter. I offered him whiskey and he was delighted to take it. He had never had whiskey his entire life. We both chugged half a bottle quietly for about 2 minutes and then, when we started feeling tipsy, the explanation began.
So, my great grandfather was a monkey. Can you imagine that! My great grandmother was accidentally inseminated with a monkey’s sperm instead of human sperm. This explained a lot about my hairy uncle Dave. After my great grandmother gave birth to my grandfather, she went to the jungle to look for the father of the baby. She found him and they fell in love and lived happily ever after.
The prophecy talked about a descendant that looked human but had monkey blood in his/her veins. The prophecy also talked about the law about all the monkey’s having to shave and wear underwear. The descendant who looked human would be the one to shave the monkeys and pick out one uniform underwear for all the monkeys to wear. That was to be my job. I was the chosen one. I already started having all these monkey ideas in my head. I would take the monkeys shopping, buy them froghurt, teach them how pout lips, open Instagram accounts for them, make Christmas turkey in July and maybe go with them to Mars.
I finally understood my love for bananas and climbing trees. Nobody could climb trees better than me. I was the world record holder for climbing the most trees in a single hour while using only two limbs and blindfolded.
I named my fellow drunk monkey ‘Anthony’ because I kept forgetting his real name. Anthony and I finished the two bottles of whiskey and I was ready to begin shaving but unfortunately, I was too drunk to do the shaving. I blacked out, Kyllan carried me to my bed, he also made all the monkeys comfortable in my basement and left a note at the side of my bed explaining everything that had happened so I don’t get alarmed when I see monkeys all over my house. How could I be alarmed? I was one of them. I was their queen.