Just another day torturing my colleague

I am feeling dark today, so I have set all my gadgets to a dark theme so it matches my heart and create the best possible mood for my ensuing thoughts.

My very incompetent micromanaging racist colleague is at it again. What shall we do to her today?

I know a chemist that owes me a favour. Time to collect some helium gas.

As soon as she gets home, she will find me waiting for her in her bedroom. I will be behind the door. As soon as she opens the door to the bedroom, I will shut it behind her and knock her out.

While she is unconscious, I will carry her to her bed and have her lie on her tummy.

I will:

  1. Pull down her pants to expose her flat buttocks.
  2. Pull out my phone from my pocket and play the Vagina Song by Pig Vomit.
  3. Get the gas cylinder, connect it to my needle and inject the needle into her right buttock.
  4. Pump of helium gas into her body through the right buttock till she floats to the ceiling.
  5. Watch her expand and float to the ceiling.
  6. Stop pumping the gas, pull out the needle and shut the hole from which the needle came out using a cork.
  7. Ask the 3 footballers hiding under the bed to come out and kick her around as they do with a football in the field.
  8. Watch her bounce off the walls until she deflates and can’t bounce off the walls anymore.
  9. I confine her to the bed with handcuffs that I stole from my neighbour who is a policeman.
  10. I open the bathroom door to let out her boyfriend who I had turned into an obedient bee earlier in the day.
  11. The bee-boyfriend stings her nose and dies.
  12. I take the dead bee-boyfriend, I go home and create it.
  13. She regains consciousness.
  14. I watch her confusion on my laptop thanks to the secret cameras that I installed.
  15. She quits her job in disappears to Mars because of the huge nose (huge noses are illegal on earth, people use them to breathe in more oxygen than they need and then sell it to hospitals at exorbitant prices). I made sure the bee boyfriend’s sting effect would be permanent.
  16. I enjoy a healthy working environment forever.

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