Rat incubator.

“It’s not really a fly. If you swat it, they’ll just find you and send two more.”

I wish I knew that before I chose to land on this freak show of a planet. I just could not resist. It was so ethereal. Aside from Earth, it was the second most beautiful planet I had ever set my eyes upon. It was shiny, made of diamonds. I had to land for a bit and take in the scenery. Absolutely gorgeous.

After landing safely, I got out, scanned the air. It was safe to breathe so I removed my suit and decided to hang around naked with Kyllan serving me a drink. While I was enjoying my drink, a fly landed on my thigh, I swat it and with my huge hands. This was very disgusting. A few seconds later, there were two flies on my thighs. I swat them too. A few seconds later, there were four flies on my thighs. I swat the fucking flies like a boss. Mmm, where the fuck are these flies coming from? They kept increasing and increasing. In a minute, I had flown all over my body. It was quite uncomfortable considering they were right on my skin. I could feel their legs moving all over my body. What the hell was going on?

Kyllan was being quite useless. He pretty vexed that I came here against his counsel. The perverted robot was persistently gazing at me. What was he looking at that he hadn’t already seen??

“Dial down on the perversion your little piece of shit and then get these flies off my body.” I basically screamed at Kyllan. He got into the ship to get a swatter. He got back ready to start swatting when we heard someone shouting at us that we should stop.

Looking to see where the sound came from, I saw this very beautiful lady walking towards me. “Those are my flies and you are hurting them. You hurt them, you hurt me. Kindly stop.” The beautiful lady says. Kyllan puts the swatter down.

“Get me some clothes Kyllan?” I say.

“No need for that, I have seen everything I need to see. I am Shtooopf. What’s your name?” She asks.

“I am Girl,” I say.

Shtooopf shakes both my hands by squeezing them in between her gigantic palms.

I wake up with a devilish headache. With great effort, I struggle to raise my head just so I can look around. It feels like pigs are running around and crapping in my head. Where the fuck is Kyllan!! I am lying on my back and I can’t see anything in front of me. I also can’t raise myself. “KYLLAN” I try shouting but no voice comes out.

“You need to relax. A few minutes now and it will all be over. One more hour and the 36 hours will be over.”

I turn to my left to see who said those words. Jesus Christ! It’s a fucking rat. A rat is talking to me!! What’s going on!! Why are my legs being spread!! Why can’t I speak!! Holy shit! The mountain blocking my view is my stomach. Why is this rat telling me to breathe!! Why can’t I pass out!! I really want to pass out now and wake up in my ship without any recollection of this. What have they done to me!! A tear drops down my right eye to my temple than to the floor.

The size of my stomach seems to be reducing. After some time, my stomach is flat again. That lady… The beautiful lady, Shtooopf, I remember her clearly because all I wanted to do was bone her. She comes up to me and thanks me for saving a species. I don’t care what planet that was, those were rats, they looked like rats. Since when did rats have their own planet!! Are rats Aliens?? This is totally bonkers. I just have birth to a million rats on a diamond planet.

Those flies were basically implanting rat sperms in me. They call it pollination. They had to borrow my body because I was the only compatible fertile traveller that had passed by that planet in a long while. A natural disaster had turned all the existing rats sterile and they could not reproduce. Shtooopf was there as the nanny. She would take care of all the kids that I just birthed.

I just saved a species from extinction. That’s kind of dope. No more random stops though. I hope they took out all their rats.

“Please take me back to my ship and return my robot.” That was all I could say.

Fucking tired of Earth

I am seated at the balcony with a cigarette loosely hanging between my middle and index finger. I just got out of the shower and I am in my towel because I fucking do not feel like dressing. I just trimmed my hair, I love it short. For some reason, it makes me feel a lot more badass. I hate doing laundry so any chance I get to stay naked, I will take it. My neighbors are perverts so I will don a towel. If I had my own island with no neighbor, I would never dress. Kyllan’s brought me my glass of wine and put it on the table right next to my one and a half liter bottle of wine. His purpose today is to basically be my bartender. Self-destruction is today’s plan. I gotta feed my demons. We end up having this lovely conversation with Kyllan and we both realize we are in need of a change of scenery. Being bored is not an option. I never allow myself to be bored.

We are bloody exhausted with this planet known as Earth. You might know it as the planet inhabited by humans who cut trees to make paper and so they can write “save trees” on the same papers. Kyllan and I have this great plan to leave this fucking solar system and spread across the interstellar space. We just wanna hop from one exoplanet to another until we fade into oblivion, colonizing everything in our way. How cool will that be? Just me and my Kyllan. We should probably get one extra person to blast out of this place with. Should we steal some babies so we can create a whole new civilization? Kyllan and I alone cannot establish a civilization, he is a fucking robot.

The laws of physics are no longer limiting. We have broken the speed limit of the universe. Traveling through space does not take as much time as it did in 2019. We are able to travel at light speed and even outperform it. The infinite universe is no longer out of reach. There are billions of planets out there just waiting to be explored. …and aliens, I would love to meet some aliens, perhaps one smarter than me. All the things I could learn from them. Is anyone else getting frothy loins from this thought? Hopefully, they will not be hostile

Since we found a way to increase our lifespans, nothing can stop us from traveling the stars. If my body withers, I will download my consciousness into an android.

I have access to the fastest spacecraft ever built. Yes, I commissioned it because I am independently wealthy and what better way to spend my money. We will start with our neighboring star system Alpha Centauri. I love the name Alpha Centauri.

Let me finish my bottle of wine, get another one, get drunk, sleep, wake up and then come up with an elaborate plan on how this will happen.