Professor Marbles

All I have to do is to survive until I am 130 so that I can regenerate into a young person. How hard can that be? 130 is so bloody old. By the time I get to 80, I will have no teeth and will be walking around with a walking stick. I don’t fucking want to reach that state. I gotta find a way out. One thing you may not know is that the government regulates the regeneration facilities. The 130 thing is just a rule. You can regenerate at whatever age you want. Unfortunately, the government owns the technology and nobody has been able to recreate it yet. The scientist responsible for its creation is somewhere breastfeeding. He keeps being regenerated into a toddler and that way he will not be able to give anyone his secret formula. This hiccup will not deter me from my quest. I am going to find this scientist and do everything I can get information from the old toddler.

Kyllan, pack my bags, we are going to Mars to find Professor Marbles. Professor Marbles lives in Mars with the other convicts. The earth became too populated and crimes increased. All the criminals were sent to mars without a leader. The professor is sent to earth once every two years so that they can be baby-fied. Meeting him on Mars is much better than waiting for him to show up.

Everything is ready and it is now time to leave. The journey is successful and I get to mars. As soon as I get out of my ship, two people with guns are waiting for me outside. They bind both my hand and take Kyllan’s chip form this neck. Shit! I feel fucked. “We shall now take you to our leader”, the arrester says. I follow him closely while enjoying the scenery around. These prisoners have really done some good things with the place. They even have a bouncing castle which is something that has been outlawed on earth. Humans would inflate their kids and bounce them on the castles. Some kids exploded. So, both kid inflation and bouncing castles were outlawed.

In about two minutes, we were at the Leader’s office. Some woman walks in carrying a six-month-old baby. The chubby baby opens its mouth to start speaking. It has teeth, the chubby thing has teeth.

“Hi, who are you and why are you here?”

Did the chubby thing just speak? I had to take a moment and normalize my breathing.

“We are looking for Professor Marbles. We would like the schematics for building the regenerator.” I said.

“I am Professor Marbles you dick. I cannot give you the schematics but I have another way of helping you. Head back to earth and visit the Earth house. Camp 50 metres outside the South Gate. When the lights go out, walk slowly towards the gate and start playing this tune. All the Earth house members have chips in them that will react to this particular tune by making them laugh. They will laugh till they die and the eventually evaporate into thin air. I will give you a passcode to get in after 20 minutes. Walk to the basement and find android replacements for everyone. I made then so I know they are perfect. Nobody will notice a thing. The human race is clearly getting more and more stupid. You will find the President’s schedule in the Round Office. You are to become the new leader until I come back in the next 18 months. While controlling the president, you can change the regeneration age to suit you. Now go back to Earth and take care of that planet for me.”

Before I could say anything, we had been teleported to 50 metres outside the South Gate of Earth house. Let’s fucking carry out a coup Kyllan. Fuck me!! Your chip is still in Mars.



Disclaimer before you begin.

This is basically a ranting post because my day has been fucked up by one of the most stupid girls I know. I hope she dies of stupidity.

Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in
circulation. I have met too many. I am especially livid today because of one of them and I hope she dies of stupidity. I am not sorry at all about saying this, perhaps I will be tomorrow but not now. I cannot begin to fathom how one single person can be so stupid. This is why I mostly just talk to Kyllan.

Most of these stupid people look very decent that you will never notice the excrement seething inside of their heads until they open their fucking blabbermouths. You wonder how can one person spew so much garbage and where does this garbage come from? They are too thick that nothing, not even garbage can penetrate their skulls. This leaves me thinking that all the garbage coming out of their mouths in internally generated. Their brains must look like a sewer, no, this is definitely worse than a sewer.


  1. The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other
    characteristic of that person. Do not mistake the outward good looks. IT IS A TRAP!! IT IS A TRAP!! IT IS A TRAP!! FUCKING RUN FOR YOUR LIFE SMART HUMAN.
  2. A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of
    persons while himself/herself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. Well, I got plenty of examples for this one but some people might feel targeted so I will refrain from telling any.
  3. Nonstupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals.
    In particular nonstupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and
    under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns
    out to be a costly mistake. It’s okay to not have friends. If everyone around you is stupid, fucking do your shit by yourself. These people are a virus with no cure. Trust me, you do not want to be infected.
  4. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person. This should be self-explanatory unless you are stupid too. I have met smarter bandits.
  5. I firmly believe that stupidity is an indiscriminate privilege of all human groups and is uniformly distributed according to a constant proportion which makes me really sad.

Is there a way we can sterilize all these people so they do not have babies, or take away their babies and raise them in a safe environment or we could remove labels on absolutely everything and let natural selection deal with this.