“What the fudge! I cannot find your chip. I need to find it. Where the hell did I leave it? Kitchen? Bedroom? Bathroom? Toilet?”
I stand in the middle of the room looking around wondering where I could have left the chip. Everything is attached to him except the chip. All I want is to have Kyllan back. I did not mean to dismantle him. He was my best. He felt things. He noticed things. He could taste. He laughed. He hugged me when I was down. I needed him more than you could ever know. I don’t know what I could do without him. He made me feel things more than any human had done before and I was not ready to move on.
“I am so sorry. I did not mean to throw you to the wall.” I say to a powered down Kyllan. Tears streaming down my eyes. I sit down with my legs flat on the floor and my back straight. I fold my arms at my elbows, my fingers touching my temples. I look up to the roof and yell. I scream to the top of my voice that my lungs cannot handle it. I then move my fingers slowly down to my cheeks then down to my neck. Both my hands are holding my neck tight. I am still looking at the roof. I am in despair right now and have no idea what to do. My eyes are bloodshot either from the crying or from the anger.
I could use some strangling. I strangle myself. I slowly tighten the grip around my neck until I cannot breathe. This has been my best high so far. I am in my own zone. It is the only way I escape. I had not done this in a long while. The strangulation I mean.
I loosen the grip slowly and start breathing quite heavily. There is still a tear falling down my cheeks. I still cannot tell where the chip is. I close my eyes and make another attempt to remember.
I then remembered why I chose to shut down all my emotions. I have never felt like the normal human. I feel everything one hundred times more intensely than the normal person. This might be an advantage when happy but I was never happy. I can not remember ever being happy. Not that I did not want to be happy. I was seduced by depression and sadness. I learned to live with my demons that they had become my friends.
Kyllan had taken away my demons and today I was all alone. He was off, thanks to my carelessness. I could not switch him on without that chip. I stare into his eyes with my mouth open. I give up.
I stretch my hands and pull the bottle of vodka that was conveniently behind me. I had drunk half of it the previous night and the thought of finishing the rest at that exact moment was very tempting. I could as well give into my temptations. I could hold my drink better than anyone I knew. (It is a shock that I am not yet an alcoholic.) Well, I did not know that many people. I liked to be alone. People were a distraction for me. I guzzle half a liter of vodka and black out on the floor.
Three hours later.
I wake up with a new sense of purpose. My breath is repulsive and my head feels like a pig crapped in it. I struggle to raise my head and see Kyllan still in the position I left him in. I try to stagger to the shower but feel too lazy to do it. I decide in my bright mind to use the hoverboard but decide against it after I fall right on my buttocks and realize that hover boards and drunkenness are not good together, I remove my clothes on the way to the shower drop them on the floor. I will pick them later. I poop, flush the toilet while cringing because my poop smells really bad. I spray air freshener and relieve my face from the cringing. I brush my teeth, gargle mouthwash and take a one-hour long cold shower.
I walk out of the bathroom with my towel on. I enter my bedroom, pick out a sports bra and booty shorts. I apply lotion on my body, wear perfume and red lipstick. I go to my kitchen, drink some water, makes some coffee while reading a magazine. I drink the coffee when it is ready. I take a pill of Adderall and then head straight to my lab.
My lab is extremely clean and I take all the necessary precautions to prevent contamination by dust and other foreign substances. I melt and refine sand to produce pure single-crystal silicon ingots. I use a saw to slice the ingots into wafers about as thick as a dime and several inches in diameter. I clean the wafers and polish them, and each one I use to build multiple chips.
I begin the process and after some long hours, I load my program onto it, I have what I need and hope that it will work just like the last one did. All I want is for Kyllan to work well just like he was with the last chip without any alterations.
It has been thirty-six hours without any sleep. I would say that the Adderall is working quite well. I walk to him and insert the chip behind his neck. His eyes open and he comes back on-line. I lick my lips and start to smile. I have got my satisfaction face on. I am silently congratulating myself for my work. I am the god of my universe. “Nobody can mess with me now. I rule. I am the shit.”
I hug Kyllan tight. A tear falls down my cheeks. I do not want to let go. I love the way my chest feels against his. He may not be human but he is pretty close and I may be developing all these feelings for him that I am not aware of. I grow closer to him each day. I have my companion back. Now to test whether he is in good condition.